It was on the reading shelf in my apartment's laundry room. As I hopefully made clear to the anonymous whoever-it-is who's followed me on-line and called me crazy whenever I mention Traci, my experience with her serves as a point of reference. It's a neat explanation for why everything I felt so strongly I was doing drove Traci further away from me, ie, the Shane Falco quicksand metaphor.Talking about that experience doesn't mean I still desire the girl. I'm not saying I believe that if I had followed Gray's formula Traci and I would have worked out as a couple. It is likelier, I think, that we either would have developed a real friendship or at least ended better. I left Korea without a doubt that I had to revamp my perspective and approach to courtship.Still, when it comes to coupling off online, Millennials take the cake: According to Pew Research, 8 percent of 18-29-year-olds reported they met their partner online, compared to 1 percent of those 65 and older.When it comes to confidence levels, Boomers are ahead.The question that follows is almost always the same.Every one of these women says, "I can't understand why it didn't work out." If everything went so well, each wonders, why didn't he want to pursue the relationship? Their questions often reveal a complete misunderstanding and misinterpretation of men.
By discussing the differences between men and women, Mars and Venus on a Date provides Will I Ever Find My Soul Mate?
I'm technophobic; however, the weblog phenomenon impresses me as a revolution in communication. There reaches a point where a pattern emerges and instead of placing blame outside of myself, I need to look at what I'm doing. According to Gray, there are 5 distinct stages of dating (see below).
Lately, during the in-between time of riding the subway, I've been reading one of John Gray's Mars/Venus series of relationship books: Mars and Venus on a Date. which is not at all the same as saying I did it right or well. There aren't shortcuts and it's actually destructive to jump ahead, commit too early or try too hard. It's only a template, but still, my actions fit on it as do Traci's reactions.
For a long time, the two states - compromise for relationship versus staying true to self - seemed diametrically opposed, and the only other option I saw was the player template.
As a romantic idealist, a "This is how do it" player (to quote one of my Army roommates) is just about the lowest of the low.